Sunday, 3 July 2011

Stupid Child Names

Photo credit - Link

This post is not about stupid children with names, it's about stupid names for children (or stupid parents with children). There seems to be a modern trend in the naming of children that leaves a lot to be desired. Nurses, teachers and childcare workers must bare witness to most of these with so many young children passing them by.

There tends to be two categories of stupid child names:
  • Outlandish names that come from words that were never meant to be names like Apple, Rainbow or Horseradish. 
  • Moronic spellings of normal names like Kymberleigh, Jazmin or Taiylah.

All parents want the best for their children, but some seem to have this instinct confused with the want to name their child something 'unique' because they are under the impression that their child is special and different in this world (wrong). There would be no problem with this as long as the naming didn't defy every rule in the English language and permanently damage the child's chances for a normal life. Unfortunately, this is normally the case.

Think about your child's future of endless correction "No, it's Madison spelt Maddisonne" or the looks of disbelief when they introduce themselves at their first job interview as Trixibella. Stop it! Just stop it before I contact child services!

Now of course, variation in spelling of names doesn't need to be crazy. Take Katherine or Catherine, Allen or Alan. Also some different names may have historic or cultural backgrounds, but the name should still be pronounceable and not make my head self-destruct when I hear it.

Bottom line is, if you decide to name your child something stupidly different and they grow up with half a brain, they will be cursing you for years to come.

"So, what's your name?"
"Olivia, spelt Alyvya"
"Yeah, my parents are morons".

Anyone have any real-life crazy names worth sharing?


  1. I don't want to be racist here, I'm just pointing out a social observation, but have a look at pretty much every African-American born in the last 20 years.

    Shaniqua, DeShawn, Aaliyah and Taisha are good examples.

    I also have a personal hate on against the name "Keisha". Keisha is a name you give to a Malamute, not a human being!

  2. LOL, Kate, you crack me up!

  3. I have enough of a time with my last name and maiden name... BOTH of which sound EXACTLY as spelled! LOL

    I know a girl who named her first daughter Shaliqueeah (I think that's how you spell it) I remember her mother's comment to mine... "What ever happened to nice names like Pamela and Mary?"

  4. Wow! That's a good one June!

  5. You have so eloquently articulated something I have felt for years. Being in education, I have seen many moronic names. For example, in my student teaching, I had a student named Shithead (pronounced Shi theed). Honest to goodness. Another thing that annoys the heck out of me is the use of multiple apostrophes in names. A prime example of this would be a former student of my mom's named Da'she'nanna. I also think that names based on where the child was conceived (e.g., Chevy, Charlotte, Chevette) or beverages being consumed when the child was being conceived (e.g., Morgan, Jack, Jameson) are in poor taste.

  6. So true Kinsey. Must be quite a challenge reading the role in the morning. Shithead . . . . amazing.

  7. Yeah I agree with June, my name always gets misspelt, first and last. They are both normal names, sigh. And when my last name changes it'll be just as hard, it amazes me how often people spell goldsworthy wrong. "whats your name?" "kristen goldsworthy" "and how do you spell that?" "k r i s 10 gold s worthy" sound it out. Why would people want to constantly put their kids through that?!